Those Other Kids

First, let me clarify- I am speaking about the two children I have that I haven’t spoke about on my blog. While I have occasionally referred to my children as “those” kids, usually right after they’ve broken something and I’m trying to distance myself; in this case I am saying it not because my other two are any less important, but to illustrate that in my life they are often relegated to the backseat while I deal with the issues that arise with Jonathan and Michael. I have always assumed that this happens in many homes with special needs and…..non-special needs(?? )children. If this isn’t true please don’t tell me because this belief helps me sleep at night.

I don’t do this intentionally. I just sometimes find after a day dealing with appointments and meltdowns, or scarily high blood sugars and ketones that I haven’t spent any time with Kayla at all. Since Christopher, my 17 year old doesn’t live with me, it’s even worse with him. I catch myself; vow to do it all different tomorrow, then promptly fall into the same pattern upon awakening.

Please don’t misunderstand, I go to all of Kayla’s award ceremonies and school performances, I lie down with her every night, and I take her with me on many errands. I have also recently spent two hours on the phone in the middle of the night helping my teenager deal with his first real relationship (I should have gotten an award for how I handled that BTW), and read more angsty teenage poetry than I thought I could handle (again: award). It’s not that I don’t spend any time with my other two children; it’s just that it’s definitely not equal. I’m not even certain it could be, not until I figure out how to bend time to add more hours in the day. I have a family member that I am certain has figured out how to do that. She’s so damn productive. I hate her. Anyway…..

Do not think my enterprising daughter does not use this either. It often gets brought up right around the time she “needs” a new…well, anything. She also likes to pull that particular card out when I am lying down with her at night, right before we go to sleep. She looks up at me with her big green eyes and in the most angelic voice imaginable proclaims that I have utterly failed her as a parent. Of course she doesn’t say that, but well…the meaning is clear. Goodbye sleep, hello tissues and ice cream. I’m making jokes…..well I’m telling the truth, but I’m also making jokes; but I know it does bother her, just as I know it bothers Chris. It certainly bothers me.

Anyhow, there is no great purpose to this, it’s really me just throwing something out there and hoping with all my heart I’m not the only one who deals with it. I might actually go make up some fake E-mail addresses and post sympathetic comments below to make myself feel better. I kid, I kid….I wouldn’t really do that……..much.

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8 thoughts on “Those Other Kids

  1. crazybunny66 says:

    We might think we fail our kids ( yes, I agree, I feel like that sometimes, often, frequently) but they do have individual needs at different times and from what I am reading here I think you are doing a brilliant job. Who knows, if you were to ask your kids, they’d most probably agree 😉

    • tgillespie27 says:

      Thank-you so much! You have no clue how much I needed to hear that. I don’t ask the kids because I’m afraid of what they might say, lol. I hope they would agree though! And thanks for commenting 🙂

      • crazybunny66 says:

        I think women don’t generally talk about it but we all feel guilty when it comes to our kids. Guilty for not having enough time, for not being able to share the time equally, guilty for getting upset to quickly, for not letting go and for pushing them out of the nest to quickly. The list is endless and we should stop feeling guilty all the time but….. easier said then done 😉

      • tgillespie27 says:

        How true that is, every single word of it. Maybe we should talk about it more, perhaps that would help…that has definitely given me something to think about. Thank-you 🙂

      • crazybunny66 says:

        You’re very welcome 🙂

      • crazybunny66 says:

        Oh, forgot, if you pick a good moment, just after a good day with friends, money spent on them, game console ready …. They will praise us… On a bad day, however….. Kids are only human after all but I bet it’s the little things, the smile, hug and little notes left on your bed sometimes that tells you that they love you unconditional, no matter what!!

      • tgillespie27 says:

        Once again you are right. I think I overlook those little things way too often. I mean, I appreciate them greatly and they warm my heart, but when I’m feeling guilty I tend to forget those small tokens of affection. Thank-you 🙂

      • crazybunny66 says:

        You and me both, I’m guilty as charged too sometimes 😉

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